It's been another while since I've last posted. I was supposed to come in and retroactively get my journal (blog) updated with the happenings of the previous weeks I had missed, but then my Dad died and everything fell out the window. I lost the interest to write, to journal, and have been keeping myself pretty preoccupied.
After he passed I made it a mission to scan all of our family photos into digital form. It's been a HUGE undertaking. So far I've scanned over 2,500 pictures, and I'm still going. I'll be honest, the last couple of weeks I've been slacking off on the scanning. It's a mind-numbing medial task, sitting at the scanner, putting photos in, pulling them out, and worse of all, trying to determine a date to give the photos. For someone with no memory, dating photos is probably the worst job I could give myself. I'm sure I've put in over 50 hours just in scanning so far. I'm getting close to the finish line...but still not there yet.
Olivia ended up picking up Destiny 2: Forsaken, so I've been occupying myself with that instead of scanning. Not to mention, David and I are trying to return to the gym. We started the week before last, but then that weekend I ended up hurting my back something awful pulling out the Christmas decorations in the storage unit, and had to call going to the gym quits for that week. We've returned this week though, and we're trying to get back on schedule.
I also started playing Red Dead Redemption 2, but had to put that on hold for, first the scanning, and then getting Olivia caught up on Destiny.
So basically I've been keeping myself pretty busy.
Thanksgiving was amazing. We had it at our house. I wanted to go to Mom's house like we do every year, but knowing her boyfriend I knew he'd make a comment about Dad and I don't think I would've been able to hold back. I figured just while everything was still fresh I would keep distance from there. So Olivia and Sabrina came over to our house and we made that little tiny apartment into a loving holiday spot.
Our poor little kitchen was completely trashed at the end of it, but it was so awesome to have everyone around and just have a day of love.
I'm not sure if I've been attempting to keep myself busy because of Dad's death. You know? Keep myself moving so I don't have to think about it for too long. I had a few days of random spurts of sobbing and then I kind of pushed it back down and moved on.
Scanning these old family photos have been hard because all I can think about while scanning them is, I bet Dad would love this picture. I keep forgetting he's gone, and thinking to myself Ohh, I can't wait to scan this picture and send it to him. Then I remember. Then the sadness returns.
But, every time I get sad I flash back to what Aunt Cathy (his sister) told me on the phone. He died happy. He was where he wanted to be, doing what he wanted to be doing. And he was. You can't ask for anything better in life, right? I mean, I hate Orlando. If I died on my commute home I couldn't say the same for myself. So that gives me peace. He really was exactly where he wanted to be. And as much as I really don't care for his wife, he was madly in love with her. I don't question that ever. I don't even question it was reciprocated. He died very happy, very content. What more could you ask for?
Also, I think of how he died...choking on chocolate in his sleep. Haha. It's not funny, but it really is, you know? It's such a Dad way of going.
Anyways, I started this post with the intention of pointing out that life has been a bit like a speeding train for me. Sometimes I find myself having slipped off the train watching it go by. Sometimes I'm on it watching everything else fly by. I failed at that, but fuck it. You get the metaphor. I'm not the first asshole to point out that shit happens in life.
But I am happy. I'm in a happy place, regardless of everything. I still have my husband, I still have my job, I still have my asshole cat. I am in a happy place. So all is well.
After he passed I made it a mission to scan all of our family photos into digital form. It's been a HUGE undertaking. So far I've scanned over 2,500 pictures, and I'm still going. I'll be honest, the last couple of weeks I've been slacking off on the scanning. It's a mind-numbing medial task, sitting at the scanner, putting photos in, pulling them out, and worse of all, trying to determine a date to give the photos. For someone with no memory, dating photos is probably the worst job I could give myself. I'm sure I've put in over 50 hours just in scanning so far. I'm getting close to the finish line...but still not there yet.
Olivia ended up picking up Destiny 2: Forsaken, so I've been occupying myself with that instead of scanning. Not to mention, David and I are trying to return to the gym. We started the week before last, but then that weekend I ended up hurting my back something awful pulling out the Christmas decorations in the storage unit, and had to call going to the gym quits for that week. We've returned this week though, and we're trying to get back on schedule.
I also started playing Red Dead Redemption 2, but had to put that on hold for, first the scanning, and then getting Olivia caught up on Destiny.
So basically I've been keeping myself pretty busy.
Thanksgiving was amazing. We had it at our house. I wanted to go to Mom's house like we do every year, but knowing her boyfriend I knew he'd make a comment about Dad and I don't think I would've been able to hold back. I figured just while everything was still fresh I would keep distance from there. So Olivia and Sabrina came over to our house and we made that little tiny apartment into a loving holiday spot.
Our poor little kitchen was completely trashed at the end of it, but it was so awesome to have everyone around and just have a day of love.
I'm not sure if I've been attempting to keep myself busy because of Dad's death. You know? Keep myself moving so I don't have to think about it for too long. I had a few days of random spurts of sobbing and then I kind of pushed it back down and moved on.
Scanning these old family photos have been hard because all I can think about while scanning them is, I bet Dad would love this picture. I keep forgetting he's gone, and thinking to myself Ohh, I can't wait to scan this picture and send it to him. Then I remember. Then the sadness returns.
But, every time I get sad I flash back to what Aunt Cathy (his sister) told me on the phone. He died happy. He was where he wanted to be, doing what he wanted to be doing. And he was. You can't ask for anything better in life, right? I mean, I hate Orlando. If I died on my commute home I couldn't say the same for myself. So that gives me peace. He really was exactly where he wanted to be. And as much as I really don't care for his wife, he was madly in love with her. I don't question that ever. I don't even question it was reciprocated. He died very happy, very content. What more could you ask for?
Also, I think of how he died...choking on chocolate in his sleep. Haha. It's not funny, but it really is, you know? It's such a Dad way of going.
Anyways, I started this post with the intention of pointing out that life has been a bit like a speeding train for me. Sometimes I find myself having slipped off the train watching it go by. Sometimes I'm on it watching everything else fly by. I failed at that, but fuck it. You get the metaphor. I'm not the first asshole to point out that shit happens in life.
But I am happy. I'm in a happy place, regardless of everything. I still have my husband, I still have my job, I still have my asshole cat. I am in a happy place. So all is well.
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Thursday, December 13, 2018
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