2018 is now over. We're three days into the new year and I keep finding myself thinking back on 2018. I lost my Dad and before I could even finish grieving that loss, I lost my Sister. It's easy to think and find myself saying that 2018 was a shit year.
But I stand firm in believing the contrary.
2018 was an amazing year. I can't let myself get wrapped up in the loss I suffered during the end of the year. I cannot allow those two traumatic moments to define the year. It hurts to think about two people I loved and cared for no longer being here, but it does the year an injustice to not allow myself to see past that.
2018 was the year both David and I discovered the power we have over our lives. It was the year we realized that a "good year" wasn't something that just happened. It was a perspective. Our goal from the start, as I've stated on this blog numerous times, was to have a good year. We stepped out of our norms quite a bit. We went to the movies, to the gym, out to eat... I traveled for my job plenty, started making a more livable income, we upgraded our phones, bought an iMac and beefed up our Plex library. All of that was great, but none of that really contributed to the year we had.
We could have easily done NONE of those things and still had an amazing year. The reason is perspective. We realized that life is nothing but a sequence of events and how you walk away from those events is what determines the experience you had, rather than the experience itself.
Losing Dad was difficult. There were so many emotions attached to that, mostly negative. I walked away from that realizing my mortality and realizing just how much family meant to me. We threw Thanksgiving dinner at my house so we could have it with Sabrina. A move I felt was shitty at the time because we normally celebrate holidays at Moms house, but I'm now forever grateful I did. After losing Sabrina I realized I don't like the chasm I've put between myself and my family. It was never intentionally put there. I have a difficult time showing affections for some reason, but I can attest that it's something I've never really worked on improving. I am now. I walked away from Sabrina's death knowing that I needed to keep the people I love close.
We got a cat and that instantly transformed our house into a home. David and I have so much love to pour into the world that even with each other, it gets lonely. We want a child, but since procreation has proved an exercise in futility we had to settle for adopting a pet.
I decided to go all out during our companies holiday party with a three piece festive suit winning me the award of "tackiest dressed." I hated the attention but at the same time that suit brought a lot of smiles which felt good and I honestly believe next year more people will dress up in tacky holiday attire.
David and I did our very first anniversary trip. It was our 15 year anniversary so we had to, for once, do something other than stay home. We made a plan to go to New York and somehow saw it through. It was an amazing trip. We had Olivia and her boyfriend Keith with us. We walked around strange parts of New York, took the subway, and stopped at 4 different pizza shops. It was a success.
I finally went to the dentist and had my troubled teeth pulled. They have been causing pain, swelling, infections, and extreme discomfort for years. At the beginning of the year I vowed to finally do something about it, and I did. I had seven teeth pulled. Chewing is now a more difficult process, but I can now chew without having to worry about passing out from pain later on.
We experienced new things! It may seem trivial, but we decided to try new things as much as possible, especially when it came to food. We ordered from Grubhub, Uber Eats, and went out to places we never had before. When waiting for Mom and Aunt Karen to return from their cruise we went to Burger Craft, a place in Kissimmee that is unfortunately now closed. I think we both discovered that when you venture away from McDonald's and Walmart there is great food to be had.
I went to San Francisco! It was kind of sad being there by myself but it was cool to do something completely out of my comfort zone. I walked through the Castro and visited the LGBT museum.
We got to play in snow. While out in New York our return flight home was canceled due to a blizzard that hit our area. Best believe these Floridians were outside playing in the snow. A lot of snowballs thrown, snow angels made, and a lot of dirty looks from David as I attempted to shove snow where he didn't want.
I lost over 20 pounds. Let's ignore the fact that I rapidly found it again, but for those two months where I was dedicated to losing weight I was successful. I felt great about myself for the first time in a long time. We would come home from the gym and I would take my shirt off and sit outside smoking. I knew my body wasn't showcase worthy, but I felt good about myself. Which if you know me, the guy who wears a t-shirt in the pool, you'd know that's a fucking accomplishment.
At work I setup a few new systems that weren't there before. My knowledge level of IT isn't exactly where it should be but that didn't stop me from experimenting and successfully setting up our lobby check-in system, our MDM (which has proved invaluable), an asset management application, and so on. I've been making a lot of very positive changes throughout.
I sent David to a concert. It killed me because I wanted so badly to join him. It was Janelle Monae, and it was his first concert. But you know what, I think he had more fun with me not there. His first concert he should really enjoy. I don't do well in crowds and if I was there he would've been very focused on worrying about me. Instead we bought tickets for him to bring two of his friends. Worth it! The pictures alone proved he had an amazing time.
We did gifts this year. Not a whole lot. We got Mom a gift for Mother's Day and Olivia Birthday gifts. I gave Sabrina a laptop, Olivia a laptop, and David's Mom an iPhone and laptop. It felt amazing to actually give gifts, and I'm hoping we can do better at gift-giving in 2019.
We cooked together on my Birthday. That was all I wanted. I wanted a lasagna and I wanted David to help me make it. Not because I needed his help. I just wanted him there with me. He helped me, and that lasagna was legit the best lasagna I've ever had, hands down. I thought I wouldn't be able to make a lasagna that amazing again until Angela wanted me to make lasagna for Christmas. I did and it turned out amazing as well. Turns out, I'm a beast at making lasagna.
We went to Come Out with Pride Orlando. There were so many people there and it was amazing. We held hands and kissed in public. It's something that, unless you're gay, you can't really appreciate I don't think. Every time we're out in public we're forced to just walked side-by-side. We can't show affection in case someone decides to make a scene about it. Being in an atmosphere like that enabled us to feel normal. I don't know how to describe it. It's just...amazing.
We went to Halloween Horror Nights. It was fun. I got my Starbucks at Universal and we visited a couple of houses. Not as many as I would've liked too, but we still made the most of it.
In between all of these amazing times were little moments we embraced. I have random pictures and video clips of us having fun. David dancing crazy, shopping in Publix with Emily, and the holiday decorations we put up. We did everything in our power to have a great year.
To allow the deaths to ruin that year would, first of all, do a great injustice to both Dad and Sabrina. It's not their faults they died. But it would also undo so many great moments we had that when strung together showcase an amazing year. I can only hope that 2019 includes less death, while we continue to push and strive for a million little happy moments to make up a great year.
So 2019, let's do this. Let's make this the year of the cruise, the year of the travel, the year of the food, the year of the self-fulfillment. Let's make this the year of the smile.
But I stand firm in believing the contrary.
2018 was an amazing year. I can't let myself get wrapped up in the loss I suffered during the end of the year. I cannot allow those two traumatic moments to define the year. It hurts to think about two people I loved and cared for no longer being here, but it does the year an injustice to not allow myself to see past that.
2018 was the year both David and I discovered the power we have over our lives. It was the year we realized that a "good year" wasn't something that just happened. It was a perspective. Our goal from the start, as I've stated on this blog numerous times, was to have a good year. We stepped out of our norms quite a bit. We went to the movies, to the gym, out to eat... I traveled for my job plenty, started making a more livable income, we upgraded our phones, bought an iMac and beefed up our Plex library. All of that was great, but none of that really contributed to the year we had.
We could have easily done NONE of those things and still had an amazing year. The reason is perspective. We realized that life is nothing but a sequence of events and how you walk away from those events is what determines the experience you had, rather than the experience itself.
Losing Dad was difficult. There were so many emotions attached to that, mostly negative. I walked away from that realizing my mortality and realizing just how much family meant to me. We threw Thanksgiving dinner at my house so we could have it with Sabrina. A move I felt was shitty at the time because we normally celebrate holidays at Moms house, but I'm now forever grateful I did. After losing Sabrina I realized I don't like the chasm I've put between myself and my family. It was never intentionally put there. I have a difficult time showing affections for some reason, but I can attest that it's something I've never really worked on improving. I am now. I walked away from Sabrina's death knowing that I needed to keep the people I love close.
We got a cat and that instantly transformed our house into a home. David and I have so much love to pour into the world that even with each other, it gets lonely. We want a child, but since procreation has proved an exercise in futility we had to settle for adopting a pet.
I decided to go all out during our companies holiday party with a three piece festive suit winning me the award of "tackiest dressed." I hated the attention but at the same time that suit brought a lot of smiles which felt good and I honestly believe next year more people will dress up in tacky holiday attire.
David and I did our very first anniversary trip. It was our 15 year anniversary so we had to, for once, do something other than stay home. We made a plan to go to New York and somehow saw it through. It was an amazing trip. We had Olivia and her boyfriend Keith with us. We walked around strange parts of New York, took the subway, and stopped at 4 different pizza shops. It was a success.
I finally went to the dentist and had my troubled teeth pulled. They have been causing pain, swelling, infections, and extreme discomfort for years. At the beginning of the year I vowed to finally do something about it, and I did. I had seven teeth pulled. Chewing is now a more difficult process, but I can now chew without having to worry about passing out from pain later on.
We experienced new things! It may seem trivial, but we decided to try new things as much as possible, especially when it came to food. We ordered from Grubhub, Uber Eats, and went out to places we never had before. When waiting for Mom and Aunt Karen to return from their cruise we went to Burger Craft, a place in Kissimmee that is unfortunately now closed. I think we both discovered that when you venture away from McDonald's and Walmart there is great food to be had.
I went to San Francisco! It was kind of sad being there by myself but it was cool to do something completely out of my comfort zone. I walked through the Castro and visited the LGBT museum.
We got to play in snow. While out in New York our return flight home was canceled due to a blizzard that hit our area. Best believe these Floridians were outside playing in the snow. A lot of snowballs thrown, snow angels made, and a lot of dirty looks from David as I attempted to shove snow where he didn't want.
I lost over 20 pounds. Let's ignore the fact that I rapidly found it again, but for those two months where I was dedicated to losing weight I was successful. I felt great about myself for the first time in a long time. We would come home from the gym and I would take my shirt off and sit outside smoking. I knew my body wasn't showcase worthy, but I felt good about myself. Which if you know me, the guy who wears a t-shirt in the pool, you'd know that's a fucking accomplishment.
At work I setup a few new systems that weren't there before. My knowledge level of IT isn't exactly where it should be but that didn't stop me from experimenting and successfully setting up our lobby check-in system, our MDM (which has proved invaluable), an asset management application, and so on. I've been making a lot of very positive changes throughout.
I sent David to a concert. It killed me because I wanted so badly to join him. It was Janelle Monae, and it was his first concert. But you know what, I think he had more fun with me not there. His first concert he should really enjoy. I don't do well in crowds and if I was there he would've been very focused on worrying about me. Instead we bought tickets for him to bring two of his friends. Worth it! The pictures alone proved he had an amazing time.
We did gifts this year. Not a whole lot. We got Mom a gift for Mother's Day and Olivia Birthday gifts. I gave Sabrina a laptop, Olivia a laptop, and David's Mom an iPhone and laptop. It felt amazing to actually give gifts, and I'm hoping we can do better at gift-giving in 2019.
We cooked together on my Birthday. That was all I wanted. I wanted a lasagna and I wanted David to help me make it. Not because I needed his help. I just wanted him there with me. He helped me, and that lasagna was legit the best lasagna I've ever had, hands down. I thought I wouldn't be able to make a lasagna that amazing again until Angela wanted me to make lasagna for Christmas. I did and it turned out amazing as well. Turns out, I'm a beast at making lasagna.
We went to Come Out with Pride Orlando. There were so many people there and it was amazing. We held hands and kissed in public. It's something that, unless you're gay, you can't really appreciate I don't think. Every time we're out in public we're forced to just walked side-by-side. We can't show affection in case someone decides to make a scene about it. Being in an atmosphere like that enabled us to feel normal. I don't know how to describe it. It's just...amazing.
We went to Halloween Horror Nights. It was fun. I got my Starbucks at Universal and we visited a couple of houses. Not as many as I would've liked too, but we still made the most of it.
In between all of these amazing times were little moments we embraced. I have random pictures and video clips of us having fun. David dancing crazy, shopping in Publix with Emily, and the holiday decorations we put up. We did everything in our power to have a great year.
To allow the deaths to ruin that year would, first of all, do a great injustice to both Dad and Sabrina. It's not their faults they died. But it would also undo so many great moments we had that when strung together showcase an amazing year. I can only hope that 2019 includes less death, while we continue to push and strive for a million little happy moments to make up a great year.
So 2019, let's do this. Let's make this the year of the cruise, the year of the travel, the year of the food, the year of the self-fulfillment. Let's make this the year of the smile.
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Thursday, January 03, 2019
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