We fell in love with the nudist resort… just in time for Florida to turn into a walk-in freezer. Love that for us.
It’s wild — I’ve spent years whining about the heat here. Truly, professionally. Then the moment I actually find a reason to enjoy being sweaty and naked outdoors? Florida’s like, “lol psych,” and drops a polar vortex on my bare ass. Normally winters are just a handful of chilly mornings and maybe one day where you regret wearing a hoodie. But this year? Nah. It’s been nonstop cold snaps and weather terms that sound like the Ice King sneezed.
Anyway, after obsessively refreshing the weekend forecast like a nudist stockbroker watching the market, we finally got a warm day. So we packed our little naked hopes and dreams and headed back to the resort.
I did way better this time. Less anxiety, less panic-sweats, fewer “oh god everyone is looking at my everything” moments. I was actually… proud of myself?
We spent most of the day in the pool, drifting around like two unclothed otters. Then we wandered, did a bit of sunbathing, and eventually heard trivia was starting at the restaurant. And you know I’m a slut for trivia. Bad at it? Absolutely. Will I still enthusiastically show up like I’m competing on Jeopardy? Also yes.
So we’re sitting there and a Greek mythology question comes up. I know this one. I raise my hand. I get it right. And then the universe whispers, “Hey, Ebb… go up front.”
Suddenly I’m at the front of the room, fully naked, all eyes on me — living the nightmare where you show up to school in your underwear except it’s worse, because this time I did it on purpose. I’m trying not to combust while answering trivia questions with everything swinging in the breeze.
Thankfully, the guy whose spot I took had already crushed 9 out of 10 questions, so all I had to do was nail one question before the other team. And somehow… I did.
Boom. Victory. Two free drink tokens at Cypress Cove. I immediately cashed one in for a Diet Coke — which I’m pretty sure confused the bartender because most people don’t win trivia naked and then celebrate with caffeine-free shame water. I kept the second token as a souvenir.
After that, David and I walked around the resort. And gods, it just feels right being naked and free like that. I know if nudism isn’t your thing it sounds terrifying, but once you get past that first little spike of panic, you genuinely don’t want your clothes back. There’s something healing about standing there in your most vulnerable state and realizing nothing bad happens.
We’re absolutely coming back. Maybe even staying overnight for our anniversary. Fingers crossed it’s a warm one — the polar vortex can kindly go choke.
